An Alternative Relationship

It wasn’t one of the best phases in my life. Things didn’t really look good. Ankur was no more living with me. our so called live in relationship had gone terribly wrong. He was cheating on me and had just moved in his new girl friend’s house. I was, once again all alone in that house. Boss was also not really happy with my work. His family life too was messed up and due to that he started expecting a bit too much from me in work. I tried hard but I really have no clue what he actually wanted from me. I could have easily lost my job at that time. I wouldn’t have been surprised if I would have. Money as usual was an issue. I still had to pay the pending rent of my new apartment. First it used to be OUR, mine and ankur’s home. Now it was just my apartment. These were the slightly larger issues affecting me and my life. There were a million small issues as well. The domestic helper would never be on time. The watchman of the next building would always eve tease, and that dog, I don’t know what problem he had with me. He just had to bark every time I went on that street. My colleagues in the office weren’t angels right from heaven aswell. Most of my friends were busy with their own lives, some of them were already married and some of them were extremely busy with their own careers. Nothing really looked good. I still remember that week. It was one of the toughest times I have had till now in my entire life. It was a Monday and after a tough journey to the office, I remember I couldn’t take my boss any more that day. We had a major argument and I was fired. I lost my job. I had to return by car back to the office. That was my first car and was given to me by the organisation I was working with since at that time they were extremely impressed by my work. Well, but now I had to return it to them. It was the month of may when Mumbai experiences its highest temperature. I went home in a BEST bus that afternoon and it took me 2 hours. My head was terribly aching and I felt like banging it against the wall. I reached home and made myself a nice cup of coffee. I though that it would help but then that day the super inquisitive phone calls from the office made me crazy. TV didn’t have any thing nice to show and the internet was down. Everything was wrong. I didn’t make any dinner for myself that night and just went to sleep. The next morning was not good either. The same calls and arguments with the land lady followed with issues with the domestic helper, the watchmen and like all these things were not enough, irritating neighbourhood kids. I just felt like jumping off from a high rise building that evening. Just then the bell rang and it was Ankur. For a millisecond I was happy. I felt that the love of my life was back. To be with me, to take care of me. “I want my stuff back, had left a few things here, I need them”. and yes, these words took me back to reality. I knew that he wasn’t back in my life. I knew that the distances were going to increase. I told my self that now, Ankur, someone who knew me too well, now even failed to notice all the things that were going wrong in my life. I didn’t say a word. Opened the door and he went to his room. He had left back a few tapes, some of his files and certificates and a few of his clothes. He took all of it, packed his bag and then came out to the living room. He asked me if he could fill a glass of water for himself in the kitchen. I smiled and said ofcourse. He drank a glass of water and without saying much he just left. That question “can I please have a class of water if you don’t mind” made me cry. I locked the door and hid my face in a pillow and cried for hours. I was now alone. All alone. Everything was wrong. Just then I saw the same old dog whom I hater looking at me from outside through this window. He looked concerned. I laughed. I thanked god that atleast some one was concerned. I opened the door and gave him a few biscuits. He licked my hands and that look in his eyes made me feel better. i still couldn’t stop my tears that day. I don’t remember when I went to sleep. Next day, as usual the alarm rang at 8.00. I didn’t care to wake up so early. I woke up by noon and called the internet guy to get the net fixed up again. It was all done by evening and I was now online and looking out for a new job. The dog was still there in the compound. My irritating domestic helper, shanta had cooked a few chapattis for me and I gave all those to that dog. He ate it and was still looking at me from that window. He was still in the garden outside the house. It was like he had started calling it home. I was glad that my apartment still felt like home to someone atleast. Life went on in a similar way for the 2 months which followed. I used to be at home. Health was something I didn’t take care at all. I would sit and cry at the way my life was ruined for atleast 3 to 4 hours a day. I missed Ankur, I was jobless and I felt like looser. I was a looser and thats what made things miserable. I had started getting angry and aggressive at small things. I remember throwing the garbage at the neighbourhood kids when they made too much noise and I couldn’t take it. I remember tearing their basketball out when it came into my balcony by mistake. I had even slapped shanta twice. Like all of it wasn’t enough, I had started hurting myself. One day I had broken a glass on my own hands and was bleeding. Another time, I broke a plate and the broken pieces had hurt my foot. I bled too much and fainted. There was no one at home that evening. When I regained consciousness, I was in my bedroom on my bed and the doctor and shanta were sitting besides me. I wondered who called the doctor and to my surprise it was the dog. Yes, that same dog had called shanta and she came home and had called the doctor. I named him Sam. And I owed my life to him. We brought him home, washed him and now I had decided; he was my family. That was not the end of the story for me. my sessions with the psychologist had already begun. I was being treated with an alternative therapy for anger management. Sam was living with us. He was now my life. I wanted to go back home every evening. Spending time with him now was important. We loved each other and now he was my family. It was a beautiful relationship. Here, he was not just my per but he was my kid, he was my friend, he was my companion. I could smile when I was with him, I could hold him in my arms and cry. Life was now looking good. I had again started smiling. It was a tough period of about 3 to 4 months consistently in my life. My therapy is now over and I have also found a new job. Its in a nice firm and I am comfortable with these new people. The pay is also larger than what it was previously and I have cleared all the previous rent accounts of my apprtment. Ankur had called 2 weeks back and said that he and his new girl firend had broken up and that they were no longer living together. He said that he wanted to meet me once. I refused. The kids come in every evening to play with Sam. I have started enjoyinh the noise they make. The new office has given me a new chauffer driven car. Life is normal now. Thanks to Sam. He is an important part of my life now. It is a weird relationship, an alternative relationship which gave a new meaning to life.